well hello there ;]

oops i did it again! haven't written in a while. as for thomas- he's great :] him and i are best friends again which makes me extremely happy. he tells me that he's going to give me a birthday hug & kiss the next time he sees me. (my birthday was yesterday by the way) and i'm super excited to recieve affection from him :] although, he does have a girlfriend, but he told me that she gets his tounge down her throat, so she wouldn't mind him giving his best friend a kiss. a little bit of an akward moment, but i understand, haha. lots has happened in the time between the last time i blogged and now. but if i typed it all out, this would be the world's longest blog =-0 that might be quite interesting actually. the #1 important thing i want to announce though- 1 of my best friends in the uinverse (kayla renee) has a boyfriend currently, and they are the cutest couple ever, i'm not the only one who thinks so either ;] but anyways, me + carolina = <3 for now, since both of us are single =p hopefully boys will come our way eventually? i'm sure carolina could score big time, i'm not so sure about me =-/
gotta go babes.
love;
ashwiener <33
p.s. the nickname's new, like it?

the way she feels

hey, sorry, its me again :] i just wanted to let you guys know about a song that i really love <3 its called the way she feels by between the trees. its really good. i cry everytime i watch the video, but thats the beauty of it, i love sad things. so, just give it a try, if you dont like it i understand, its a little bit "emo" or whatever you guys call sad things about people that cut. so, just give it a try for me please? thanks :]
muahhhh!
peace, love and jonas brothers <3
asweena :]

woah

mothaa i haven't written in a while! well, there's a lot to say. 1st you should know, me and thomas aren't exactly "bffs" again, but we're okay. i dont think he [hates] me now, but he definitely was just kidding when he said i wasn't fake, because about 2 days ago i was with him and he kept calling me "fakey" over and over again. the reason he was calling me fakey was because he saw my left wrist... yes, i cut. sorry =-/ im trying hard to stop, i promise. but, he thinks that hes the only one that can be [truely] depressed... he thinks that hes the only one that can wear clothes just to make a statement. and he thinks hes the only one who can actually cut and not be called fake... thats the only thing that annoys me about him. he thinks that hes the only [real] one. but, truth is, hes the one thats fake. another thing; he told me that i probably just cut for attention, which is partially true, because y'all know me, i need attention to survive, i just tend to try to get it the wrong ways but anyways.. i was talking to my buddy caroline, and she said that im definitely not fake, and that everyone thinks that hes the one who wants attention, so i shouldn't be worried. thanks caroline :] you are my sunshine. so, yeah, thats pretty much what's been happening. me and kayla are kinda falling apart since i first cut, so, im trying to patch that up. i have an xanga. so if you guys wanna check it out its: www.xanga.com/losing_you_08
peace, love and jonas brothers <3
ashweena :]

last goodbye.

ashley.... i love you and i'm super proud of you. i could never ask for a better friend and neither could thomas....
i may not take change as well as normal people do, but then again, What is normal?? eveyone has a way to themselves stand out. When someone thinks of emo they think:
Skinny jeans, Straightened hair, Studded belts, band t-shirts. but i think that thomas is right. they dont dress a certain way because they feel like it, it's because they want to make a point. my friend kayla and i were talking last week about her studded belt that she just got and i was thinking.. just because you own a studded belt doesn't mean that your emo. its not a sign. its a statement.

HE TALKED TO ME TODAY, Ashweeeeee !

me. (4:47:21 PM): hi.

thomas. (4:48:35 PM): hi

i can barely remember the last time he talked to me. but i got him to say one whole word. ohh yess. now i remember the last time....on March 7th, 2008. R.I.P. i wish i could forget that day. and that night....but then the memories that make me real today would all be lost..

I open my eyes
I try to see but I'm blinded by the white light
I can't remember how
I can't remember why
I'm lying here tonight

And I can't stand the pain
And I can't make it go away
No I can't stand the pain

[CHORUS:]
How could this happen to me
I made my mistakes
I've got nowhere to run
The night goes on
As I'm fading away
I'm sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me

Everybody's screaming
I try to make a sound but no one hears me
I'm slipping off the edge
I'm hanging by a thread
I wanna start this over again


scream.to.be.heard.
welcome.to.my.life.

ricolynn

2 months later...

I'm back. It took me 2 months...but im back. I've been thinking...about everything, thats been happening.. in my life, and in his.. and while i was thinking.. i realized, i can't stop whats happening, i can't stop him from changing.. there is absolutely nothing i can do. i have to accept him for who he is now. You know.. he actually made a pretty good point to me a few days ago. He said.. "i dont dress the way i do, because i like it, i dress this way to make a point. My point is that, someone can dress completely different than they did before.. but still be the same person inside" That is very very true. You see emos with their skinny jeans, and studded belts & band t-shirts... but, just because they wear those things, doesn't mean they have to change their personality to fit their label as emo. Thomas however.. did change his personality, he says its just because the "old him" tried to hard to "fit in" but, i dont believe that's true. He wasn't concerned at all about how he looked, or if what he liked was "popular" he was himself... thomas. But, like i said before.. i can't do anything about that.. things change, people change. Its like a roller coaster. No matter how scary it is, or how much you hurt from bumps and sharp turns, you just have to close your eyes, hold on tight, and finish the ride in one peice.

Peace, love and eyeliner.
♥ Ashley ♥

Lullabies

sometimes all that is left to do is to
runaway.

♥ i love you.
**rico

Make it a sweet, sweet goodbye - it could be for the last time and it's not right.
"Don't let yourself get in over your head," he said.
Alone and far from home we'll find you...

Dead - Like a candle you burned out;
spill the wax over the spaces left in place of angry words.
Scream - To be heard, like you needed any more attention;
throw the bottle, break the door, and disappear.

Sing me to sleep, I'll see you in my dreams, waiting to say, "I miss you. I'm so sorry."
Forever's never seemed so long as when you're not around it's like a piece of me is missing.
I could have learned so much from you but what's left now?
Don't you realize you brought this family a world of pain?
Can't you see there could have been a happy ending we let go?

Sing me to sleep, I'll see you in my dreams, waiting to say, "I miss you. I'm so sorry."

Sing me to sleep (You've taken so much with you...)
I'll see you in my dreams, (But left the worst with me...),
waiting to say, "I miss you. I'm so sorry."

All Time Low

The End...

Theres nothing more to do then watch my whole life fall apart before my eyes... tonight thomas and i were talking, and it was really about nothing until he brought in the drugs and the drinking.. he talked about how i could save him from drinking tonight by making out with him.. and i would do anything to save him, so of course i offered, well, noticing that it was 10:30 at night.. i couldn't really accomplish that.. so thomas said he would go drink at 11:00. i had a half hour to try to convince him that the past was so amazing and that i wanted the old him back.. but all it did was crush me and make my heart fall to pieces. he told me i was "effing annoying" and that i should just let go of the past cuz he doesn't care about it anymore.. i guess thats it... i said i was done trying before.. and it worked for like 3 weeks.. but now.. its going to have to work for a lot longer.. because he obviously doesn't want someone so annoying in his life.. im done guys. im sorry.. but i guess this is my last entry.

peace...

ashley