well hello there ;]

oops i did it again! haven't written in a while. as for thomas- he's great :] him and i are best friends again which makes me extremely happy. he tells me that he's going to give me a birthday hug & kiss the next time he sees me. (my birthday was yesterday by the way) and i'm super excited to recieve affection from him :] although, he does have a girlfriend, but he told me that she gets his tounge down her throat, so she wouldn't mind him giving his best friend a kiss. a little bit of an akward moment, but i understand, haha. lots has happened in the time between the last time i blogged and now. but if i typed it all out, this would be the world's longest blog =-0 that might be quite interesting actually. the #1 important thing i want to announce though- 1 of my best friends in the uinverse (kayla renee) has a boyfriend currently, and they are the cutest couple ever, i'm not the only one who thinks so either ;] but anyways, me + carolina = <3 for now, since both of us are single =p hopefully boys will come our way eventually? i'm sure carolina could score big time, i'm not so sure about me =-/
gotta go babes.
love;
ashwiener <33
p.s. the nickname's new, like it?

the way she feels

hey, sorry, its me again :] i just wanted to let you guys know about a song that i really love <3 its called the way she feels by between the trees. its really good. i cry everytime i watch the video, but thats the beauty of it, i love sad things. so, just give it a try, if you dont like it i understand, its a little bit "emo" or whatever you guys call sad things about people that cut. so, just give it a try for me please? thanks :]
muahhhh!
peace, love and jonas brothers <3
asweena :]

woah

mothaa i haven't written in a while! well, there's a lot to say. 1st you should know, me and thomas aren't exactly "bffs" again, but we're okay. i dont think he [hates] me now, but he definitely was just kidding when he said i wasn't fake, because about 2 days ago i was with him and he kept calling me "fakey" over and over again. the reason he was calling me fakey was because he saw my left wrist... yes, i cut. sorry =-/ im trying hard to stop, i promise. but, he thinks that hes the only one that can be [truely] depressed... he thinks that hes the only one that can wear clothes just to make a statement. and he thinks hes the only one who can actually cut and not be called fake... thats the only thing that annoys me about him. he thinks that hes the only [real] one. but, truth is, hes the one thats fake. another thing; he told me that i probably just cut for attention, which is partially true, because y'all know me, i need attention to survive, i just tend to try to get it the wrong ways but anyways.. i was talking to my buddy caroline, and she said that im definitely not fake, and that everyone thinks that hes the one who wants attention, so i shouldn't be worried. thanks caroline :] you are my sunshine. so, yeah, thats pretty much what's been happening. me and kayla are kinda falling apart since i first cut, so, im trying to patch that up. i have an xanga. so if you guys wanna check it out its: www.xanga.com/losing_you_08
peace, love and jonas brothers <3
ashweena :]

last goodbye.

ashley.... i love you and i'm super proud of you. i could never ask for a better friend and neither could thomas....
i may not take change as well as normal people do, but then again, What is normal?? eveyone has a way to themselves stand out. When someone thinks of emo they think:
Skinny jeans, Straightened hair, Studded belts, band t-shirts. but i think that thomas is right. they dont dress a certain way because they feel like it, it's because they want to make a point. my friend kayla and i were talking last week about her studded belt that she just got and i was thinking.. just because you own a studded belt doesn't mean that your emo. its not a sign. its a statement.

HE TALKED TO ME TODAY, Ashweeeeee !

me. (4:47:21 PM): hi.

thomas. (4:48:35 PM): hi

i can barely remember the last time he talked to me. but i got him to say one whole word. ohh yess. now i remember the last time....on March 7th, 2008. R.I.P. i wish i could forget that day. and that night....but then the memories that make me real today would all be lost..

I open my eyes
I try to see but I'm blinded by the white light
I can't remember how
I can't remember why
I'm lying here tonight

And I can't stand the pain
And I can't make it go away
No I can't stand the pain

[CHORUS:]
How could this happen to me
I made my mistakes
I've got nowhere to run
The night goes on
As I'm fading away
I'm sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me

Everybody's screaming
I try to make a sound but no one hears me
I'm slipping off the edge
I'm hanging by a thread
I wanna start this over again


scream.to.be.heard.
welcome.to.my.life.

ricolynn

2 months later...

I'm back. It took me 2 months...but im back. I've been thinking...about everything, thats been happening.. in my life, and in his.. and while i was thinking.. i realized, i can't stop whats happening, i can't stop him from changing.. there is absolutely nothing i can do. i have to accept him for who he is now. You know.. he actually made a pretty good point to me a few days ago. He said.. "i dont dress the way i do, because i like it, i dress this way to make a point. My point is that, someone can dress completely different than they did before.. but still be the same person inside" That is very very true. You see emos with their skinny jeans, and studded belts & band t-shirts... but, just because they wear those things, doesn't mean they have to change their personality to fit their label as emo. Thomas however.. did change his personality, he says its just because the "old him" tried to hard to "fit in" but, i dont believe that's true. He wasn't concerned at all about how he looked, or if what he liked was "popular" he was himself... thomas. But, like i said before.. i can't do anything about that.. things change, people change. Its like a roller coaster. No matter how scary it is, or how much you hurt from bumps and sharp turns, you just have to close your eyes, hold on tight, and finish the ride in one peice.

Peace, love and eyeliner.
♥ Ashley ♥

Lullabies

sometimes all that is left to do is to
runaway.

♥ i love you.
**rico

Make it a sweet, sweet goodbye - it could be for the last time and it's not right.
"Don't let yourself get in over your head," he said.
Alone and far from home we'll find you...

Dead - Like a candle you burned out;
spill the wax over the spaces left in place of angry words.
Scream - To be heard, like you needed any more attention;
throw the bottle, break the door, and disappear.

Sing me to sleep, I'll see you in my dreams, waiting to say, "I miss you. I'm so sorry."
Forever's never seemed so long as when you're not around it's like a piece of me is missing.
I could have learned so much from you but what's left now?
Don't you realize you brought this family a world of pain?
Can't you see there could have been a happy ending we let go?

Sing me to sleep, I'll see you in my dreams, waiting to say, "I miss you. I'm so sorry."

Sing me to sleep (You've taken so much with you...)
I'll see you in my dreams, (But left the worst with me...),
waiting to say, "I miss you. I'm so sorry."

All Time Low

The End...

Theres nothing more to do then watch my whole life fall apart before my eyes... tonight thomas and i were talking, and it was really about nothing until he brought in the drugs and the drinking.. he talked about how i could save him from drinking tonight by making out with him.. and i would do anything to save him, so of course i offered, well, noticing that it was 10:30 at night.. i couldn't really accomplish that.. so thomas said he would go drink at 11:00. i had a half hour to try to convince him that the past was so amazing and that i wanted the old him back.. but all it did was crush me and make my heart fall to pieces. he told me i was "effing annoying" and that i should just let go of the past cuz he doesn't care about it anymore.. i guess thats it... i said i was done trying before.. and it worked for like 3 weeks.. but now.. its going to have to work for a lot longer.. because he obviously doesn't want someone so annoying in his life.. im done guys. im sorry.. but i guess this is my last entry.

peace...

ashley

Never Too Late

This is rico's "emo song". It is called Never Too Late by Three Days Grace. It reminds us of Thomas a lot also.

This world will never be
what i expected
and if i dont belong
who would've guessed it
i will not leave alone
everything that i own
to make you feel like its not too late
its never too late


Even if i say
it'll be alright
still i hear you say
you want to end your life
now and again we try
to just stay alive
maybe we'll turn it all around
'cause its not too late
its never too late

No one will ever see
this side reflected
and if there's something wrong
who would've guessed it
and i have left alone
everything that i own
to make you feel like
its not too late
its never too late

Even if i say
it'll be alright
still i hear you say
you want to end your life
now and again we try
to just stay alive
maybe we'll turn it all around
'cause its not too late
its never too late

The world we knew
won't come back
the time we've lost
can't get back
the life we had
won't be ours again

The world will never be
what i expected
and if i dont belong

Even if i say
it'll be alright
still i hear you say
you want to end your life
now and again we try
to just stay alive
maybe we'll turn it all around
'cause its not too late
its never too late
maybe we'll turn it all around
'cause its not too late
its never too late (its never too late)
its never too late
its never too late

I like it alot. I hope you guys do also.

PEACE LOVE AND EYELINER,
Ash ♥

♥ Your Guardian Angel♥

(rico:)
this is a song that ash and i fell in love wih the moment we heard the first note. This song reminds us of Thomas and how we would do anything in the world for him.

When i see your smile,
tears run down my face.
i can't replace.
and now that i'm stronger, i have figured out,
how this world turns cold and i breaks through my soul.
and i know i'll find deep inside me,
i can be the one.
I will never let you fall.
i'll stand up with you forever.
i'll be there for you through it all.
even i saving you sends me to heaven.
Seasons are changing,
and waves are crashing,
and stars are falling over us.
days grow longer and nights grow shorter,
i can show you i'll be the one
I will never let you fall
i'll stand up with you forever.
i'll be there for you through it all.
even if saving you sends me to heaven
'Cause you're my, you're my, my-e-y-e-y
my true love, my whole heart.
Please don't throw that away.
'cause i'm here....for you!
Please don't throw that away and, please tell me you'll stay........here
Use me as you will
pull my strings just for a thrill
and i know i'll be okay,
though my skies are turning gray......
I will never let you fall.
i'll stand up with you forever.
i'll be there for you through it all,
even if saving you sends me to heaven.



♥ ♥ ♥ this is the song is the story of my life♥ ♥ ♥


♥ rico

The note

Today i was going through some of my old stuff, and i came across this note that thomas gave me when i was dating this guy named ben. heres what it said:

Dear Ashley,
For a long time now i have liked you so much, and i dont know how to tell you so i'm writing this. you mean the world to me, without you i'm nothing. if someone told me to stop cutting i wouldnt unless it was you. if there was a word to describe how i feel towards you i would tell you but there isn't. i like you way too much. i'll wait forever and a day just to be with you. so please one day think about giving me a chance. if you ever do we could always be friends in the end. i'll always love you no matter what happens your the love of my life and you always have been and always will be. if i got to pick my first kiss, it would be you. i understand you have ben so i'll back of cause watching you be happy means more then anything. i love you ashley.

I love you,
Thomas

That note meant more to me than anything in the world. I wish he felt that way still, but he doesn't care about me anymore.. and i miss him a lot..

My sexy studded belt

Yesterday i went shopping at hot topic :] and i got this really really hott studded belt. it is white and i love it so much. i kept telling Thomas that it is sexier than his but he seems to disagree. Anways...i'll let you know when i get more emo clothing haha. dont worry, i'm not emo, and dont plan on it, but i am trying to be a little different then everyone else.

PEACE LOVE AND EYELINER,
ashley ♥

How cute he was :]

--> this was thomas on the first day of 4th grade :] he is the one in the blue shirt with the funny spiked hair :p

i dont have a recent picture of what he looks like now. He doesn't really like to get his picture taken. But when i do get a picture i will be sure to put it up :]

A Cutter

Yes, Thomas cuts. For any emo, cutting is something that comes naturally as part of their depression. It hurst to see someone with a new slit across their wrist every day. Cutting is not the right way to go either. Once Thomas cut at a part on his wrist where if he would've cut a little bit deeper and 1 cm down he would've hit a major blood vessel and killed himself. He said he wished he would've hit thats vessel, but i guess it was destiny that he doesn't die. At least not yet. We need him. He just doesn't understand. He doesn't undestand his purpose. But his purpose is to make us happy. Everytime I see him smile, i get butterflies, and everytime i hear about what he does to himself, i cry. Because just listening to how he puts himself through torture makes me miserable. There is this one time though. When he promised me we would be best friends. I will paste you the conversation. Here it is:

Thomas: were always gonna be bestest buddies till the end of time and ill love u and care about u everyday of my life even if i say i dont.

That meant more to me than anything in the entire world. But he doesnt say that anymore, he claims we're friends, but he only talks to me about sex now. And its actually really disturbing. I wish there was some way to bring him back...

Thomas' Story

Hey, we thought you guys should know the reason why we created this site. The reason is our best friend in the entire world, and the guy we would die without. Thomas.

Ashley--
I have known Thomas since I was 3 years old. My family moved in and he lived across the street from me. His family was so nice, and we loved them immidiatly. His mother does suffer from a horrible disease though it is called bipolar. Thomas and I grew up together playing sports, just talking, and just doing everything together. We were inseperable. Everything was just fine, until the summer before 7th grade. (Summer oh seven). I was just being my lazy old self sitting on the computer IMing, when i saw Thomas' away messege. It read "taken by the police, wont be back for a while". At first I thought hes just playing around. But.. I soon learned differently. Thomas came to my door about 2 days later, and asked if we could talk. I asked him what was going on. And then, I learned the story....Thomas' mom beats him regularly and he finally got sick of it, so he held a knife to her throat as a threat. He didnt do anything but when he realized he was just going insane he ran away from home. His Mom called the police and they found him at the park. So he was taken back to the house, put in handcuffs and brought to a mental facility to get things worked out.
A few days later he told me that he had to go to a special school for a week. That meant he would miss football weigh ins which made him even more depressed and devestated. Football was his life. Soon he came back to school and ended up getting to weigh in for football. He ended up being a light weight and finished his season really well. I must say hes quite a stud =] Rico calls him a stud muffin. haha. but anyways.. Thomas had always been kind of a dare devil.. but he had gotten worse. He was given a pass to get out of class if he needed to see a counsler at anytime, so he would use it just to get out of the class because he didnt care about his grades, or learning or anything anymore..
This kind of stuff went on for a while. Then, after a few months, the tests came out that he had the same disease his mother has. Thomas is bipolar.
Lots of things have gone wrong, he is not a virgin, he does drugs, he drinks beer and gets drunk, he swears and uses inappropriate sexual terms all the time now. He talks about sex 24/7 and just recently told me that he wants to be like Marilyn Manson because Marilyn could suck his ..... yeah... that. But anyways.. things have gotten worse and worse over time, the girl who loves him with all her heart is being pushed away by him every moment and the closer she tries to get, the farther away he pushes her. People are giving up on him left and right, hes a handful and sometimes seems almost impossible to deal with. I have tried giving up on him myself, this was after he told me that i was annoying and i needed a new personality (of course he threw in some fancy language, if you know what i mean =-/ I wish i could have the old him back. He has become an awful person. And i cant stand to see him like this. I wish that he hadn't chosen to put the knife to his mother's throat that one day. his whole life changed that day, and he changed the lives of so many other people.. including his best friend...me.

(sorry that was very long, but his story is very complicated, besides, you think that was long, I left out half the story so it wasn't as long...=-o

Elmo

Just so you guys aren't wondering about the term "elmo" if rico and i start using it, i will tell you the story behind it. One day my dad decided i was "emo" so he wanted to create his own special way of saying "emo" so he started calling me "elmo". So ever since then when my friends and i talk about "emos" we say ELMO! its just a lot cuter and fun. =] besides. i heart elmo ♥

Pictures of Emo clothing

Here are some of the items we talked about in our last entry.

Rainbow Studded Belt










Classic Studded Belt










Skinny Jeans










Band T-Shirts (we love boys like girls!)












Traditional high top (converse shoe)










(all items were found on hottopic.com)

Emo Style

Alright, so you want to go emo? Well we can help! My friend Caroline [rico for short] and i are making a blog with some good emo starter tips for all you girls/guys who wanna rock to their own beat. So, first thing we're going to have to start with is the general "emo" look. Here are some recommendations.

1. black skinny jeans
2. dark black eye liner
3. studded belts
4. band t-shirts
5. straightened hair
6. converse or vans brand shoes
7. usually side-parted hair
8. peace t-shirts
9. wristbands (even if you dont cut)
10. walk around with your hands halfway in pants pockets
(most of the clothing we mention is available at hot topic)

Now that you have the look do you have the attitude? Well, emos are usually very quiet. They walk around with their heads down and dont talk very much. They usually have hair covering their eyes so it gives off the impression that they are being isolated from the rest of the world and dont want to be talked to. If your thinking to yourself.. "i dont want to stop talking and walk with my head down i just want to change my style" then your probably thinking of going punk. Punk is a different concept. Emos are more sensitive, punks just want to be different than everyone and they want to stand out. So they can also be called Rebels. Where emos, dont care if they stand out or not, they dont care about anything, they are usually so depressed they just exclude the rest of the world completely.

Emos alot of the time think about suicide and/or cut. These are not very good things to have going on in your life. They scare a lot of people close to the emo. One of our friends who is very close to us is emo, and he talks about how he doesnt want to live his life anymore and he cuts his wrists regularly. We do not suggest cutting or thinking about suicide. It is not healthy. If you do have suicidal thoughts or cut your wrists, you should see a counsler.

Emos also have a tendancy to go down the wrong path a lot of the time. This is not something we really want you to do, but if it happens to you be sure to get help. My emo friend drinks and does drugs. He is also only 13 and not a virgin anymore. He has gotten invovled with the wrong crowd because he is tired of the people who tell him that everything is going to be okay when he knows its not.
Therefore we suggest that you do not tell an emo its going to be okay, because if they are like this, then something in their life is really wrong, and they are not going to be okay just because you say they will be. They need serious help and only the people who truly love them can make everything semi-okay.

Going emo may not be the best choice, but if its something that you plan on looking into then you should follow your heart and be who you want to be. I would suggest more just dressing emo, and not necissarily following the bad habits they tend to develop. Like I said before, if you just want to change up your style then i would consider yourself a punk or rebel.

Thanks for reading. Hope you now learn to think of our emos in a different way then before.

Peace, Love and Eyeliner,

Ash and Rico =]